Leading Through Loss: How Grief Shapes Leadership and How to Navigate It
Grief can profoundly affect our leadership styles, often in ways that aren’t immediately apparent. This blog is designed to help leaders who have experienced loss understand how grief can disrupt their interactions with others and influence their personal development.
Understanding How Unresolved Grief Can Impact Professional Growth and Leadership
When dealing with the loss of a loved one, one’s professional life can be significantly affected, leading to changes that may or may not be fully understood. In 2000, I lost my grandmother suddenly without warning. During that time, a 10-year point of my life, I never sorted out any help with my grief, let alone understood anything about therapy or counseling back then. It took years of spiraling through life, and realizing the effects of her death resonated in all types of different behaviors and stagnation of my own personal growth. I later learned that grief changes the perspective of one’s professional growth dynamics, their character and if not careful could cause a wildfire of poison and unnecessary drama to others. After experiences of other leaders who dealt with loss, pain and hardships, I came to realize if grief is not properly dealt with, there’s a generation of people who will suffer at the hands of authority who have never dealt with their own deep and personal sorrow.
After losing my son in September 2023, I immediately sought all the help, and support along with a deeper sense of faith to jump start my healing. Do I still grieve? Of course! This loss is much different. I remember the agony and pain of being lost for years after my first encounter of losing someone dear to me. This loss was profoundly traumatic and demanded urgent attention. It’s crucial for readers to understand the urgency of seeking support in such situations—procrastination wasn’t an option. For instance, if you go to the ER with chest pain, you’ll receive immediate care, while someone with mild cold symptoms may have to wait. The intensity of grief can dictate how quickly one needs to seek help.
I recognized that addressing this loss promptly was essential for me to continue being an effective leader in my household, in my work, for my family and friends, and, most importantly, for myself.
Understanding Emotional Instability and the Stages of Grief
As many of us know, experiencing grief can lead to emotional instability, making it challenging for leaders to maintain their usual composure. Grief counseling often reveals that there are several stages of grief that one might go through.
The stages of grief, as outlined by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, offer a framework for understanding the emotional journey people often face after a significant loss. These stages aren’t necessarily experienced in a linear order and can vary greatly from person to person. Here’s a closer look at the five stages of grief:
Denial: This initial stage involves a refusal to accept the reality of the loss. It serves as a defense mechanism to cushion the immediate shock. People might think, “This can’t be happening.”
Anger: As the effects of denial begin to fade, the pain often resurfaces as anger. This anger can be directed at inanimate objects, strangers, co-workers, friends, family, or even oneself. It may also be aimed at the person who has been lost.
Bargaining: In this stage, individuals may focus on what they could have done differently to prevent the loss. They might make “deals” with a higher power in hopes of reversing or diminishing the loss. This stage reflects the desire to regain control.
Depression: During this stage, the individual starts to grasp the true extent of the loss. Feelings of sadness, regret, fear, and uncertainty may dominate. This is a natural and necessary part of the grieving process.
Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean being okay with the loss but involves acknowledging the reality of the situation and learning to live with it. This stage is marked by a sense of adjustment and finding ways to move forward.
If you haven’t experienced the loss of a loved one yourself, it’s important to approach those who have with empathy and compassion, recognizing that their emotional responses might shift through these stages at any given time.
The Impact of Grief on Leadership: Navigating Personal Loss and Its Effects on the Workplace
Consider a scenario where a team leader experiences the sudden loss of a spouse after 30 years of marriage but never seeks grief support or counseling. The emotional and physical toll of such a loss can significantly impact their behavior. The leader might overwork, demand more from their team, or display bitterness and anger, creating a tense and chaotic work environment.
Now imagine a different scenario: the team leader seeks proper care, engages in long-term counseling, and receives support from groups or individuals. With these resources, the leader can better manage their emotions and navigate the grief process. This approach can lead to fewer workplace issues and improved outcomes, as studies show that resolving grief can foster personal growth and enhance leadership skills.
Leaders who successfully process their grief often become more empathetic and resilient. Grief challenges a leader’s ability to cope, but those who manage it well can emerge stronger and more adaptable. Seeking support—whether through professional counseling, peer groups, or trusted colleagues—can help leaders integrate their experiences, develop a deeper sense of purpose, and build stronger connections with their teams. This not only aids in personal recovery but also contributes to a more supportive and effective leadership style.
Finding Support Through Grief: A Guide for Understanding and Seeking Help
As a woman of faith, I turn to scripture for guidance. For those of us who follow Christ, 1 Peter 3:15 offers wisdom: “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.” This passage reminds us of the importance of acknowledging our feelings and offering support to one another.
If you’re experiencing grief, it’s crucial to recognize it and seek the necessary support. Let’s disrupt the narrative that everyone is simply okay and understand that grieving is a valid and challenging process.
For insights into the emotional journey of grief, check out Healthline's guide to the Stages of Grief, which explains the complex feelings involved. Additionally, McKinsey's article on the Hidden Perils of Unresolved Grief explores the long-term impacts of not addressing grief properly and offers strategies for managing it effectively.
Acknowledging and addressing grief with the right resources can lead to healthier outcomes and a more supportive environment for everyone involved.
