How Grief Shapes Leadership and How to Navigate it
When we think of leadership, we often picture someone in a position of authority—a manager, a supervisor, a corporate executive. But true leadership transcends titles. It lives in the hands of parents, the voices of teachers, and the guidance of counselors. Each of these figures offers direction and support in their own way. What happens when those in leadership roles are confronted with the profound weight of grief? How does this experience of loss reshape their ability to lead and to connect with others?
As mentioned in my previous blog (Leading Through Loss: How Grief Shapes Leadership and How to Navigate It), I faced the unimaginable loss of my son a year ago. This heart-wrenching event turned my world upside down and sent ripples through my entire family. My daughter, who was navigating her senior year of high school at the time, felt the impact deeply. Though she has shown incredible resilience, the path is still a struggle. Grieving is not a linear process; it twists and turns, often leaving us grappling with emotions we never anticipated.
After dealing with this loss for a little over a year now, learning how to process it has become quite the challenge for us. Processing something you have never experienced before can undermine what your normal used to be. We know that with grief, there are cycles of emotions that take place. With those cycles, one can begin lashing out, becoming emotionally detached from people and things. As we navigate this journey, I’ve come to understand that grief can suffocate our ability to express ourselves. It’s a paradox—while we strive to lead normal lives, we are often stuck in a different reality, one filled with shadows and uncertainties.
Recently, my daughter returned home from college, marking a year since her brother's passing. During her visit, I noticed her grappling with frustration over her natural hair—an ongoing struggle that had become emblematic of her deeper emotional battles. I wanted her to embrace her natural beauty, to let go of the wigs that masked her true self. As I encouraged her to nurture her hair, I realized this wasn’t merely about appearances; it was a manifestation of the grief she was feeling.
During our talk, I realized her lashing out about her hair wasn’t just about the hair itself; it was mainly about the grief she was feeling that week. In that moment, I recognized that grief often clouds our ability to articulate our feelings. Grief can often stagnate your ability to express how you feel—something I’ve experienced more than once myself. As the leader of my household, this revelation compelled me to reevaluate my own processes and responses. I wanted my daughter to understand that healing takes time, patience, and a thoughtful approach.
I gently reminded her that just as we had to accept our loss, we also had to recognize the messiness of our current state—physically and spiritually. Together, we acknowledged our grief while leaning on one another for support. We’re not alone in this journey; with counseling, shared moments of vulnerability, and tears, we are beginning to see the glimmers of hope on the horizon. How we function now in life will look much different later once we channel through our loss. Taking control over our lives will help us gain victory over our emotions and our spirits.
Here are some steps I’ve found helpful in navigating this delicate balance of grief and growth:
Acknowledge your grief: When it's time to cry, by all means, cry! Never let anyone tell you to hold in your tears. Those emotions have to come out, or they will harbor and manifest in different ways, like yelling or self-harm.
Nurture your grief: Whether it’s through counseling, talking to a friend or partner, writing a poem or book about your feelings, starting a new hobby, or finding your passion and purpose, nurturing your grief helps spark growth within you.
Review your process: Check in with your grief regularly. Set aside time to grieve so it doesn’t overwhelm you all at once when the next wave hits. “Dating your grief” might involve thinking about the person, reminiscing about them, or just letting out all the emotions you’re feeling at that time. This releases unwanted feelings you might not even realize you had, allowing you to move forward and focus on the important matters around you day to day.
Embrace the transformation: Knowing you are working towards something, big or small, you should expect to nurture growth for a better outcome. Once you put in the time and effort, you can see something beautiful. Just like a butterfly transforms from a small cocoon into a beautiful butterfly, the process of growth happens first.
In essence, navigating grief while leading through life is a delicate dance. It’s about confronting the pain, nurturing yourself through the healing process, and recognizing that with time, support, and love, recovery is indeed possible. Just as a butterfly’s transformation unfolds slowly, so too does our path through loss. By embracing this journey, we can emerge stronger, resilient, and ready to honor our past while looking forward to a hopeful future.
Call to Action: If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Reach out to a friend, seek professional support, or join a community that understands your experience. Share your story and let others know they’re not alone in their grief. Together, we can heal and grow.
